How to Make Your Love Relationship Work
All of you have been taught the basic skills such as reading, writing and perhaps even driving a car or riding a bike. But have you been taught how to fall in love and make the relationship work?
What is amazing is the fact that now-a-days people learn all the complicated things but remain unaware of simple things like learning the basics of relationship skills. Moreover, this simple thing is actually very important simply due to the fact that the number of singles and the divorces rates have gone up considerably in the last few years. All of us know misery is an accomplice of loneliness. And this is the exact reason why I would like to share some important factors with you. These factors are the four columns which shall support your love relationship and make it work. So here goes:
1. The path to growth and healing begins with being in a relationship. Your unconscious brings you in contact and there be attracted to someone who embodies both the good and the bad, the positive and the negative qualities much like those of your parents or guardians. This is not coincidental, but rather fate accompli. The relationship is the salve to heal your wounds from your distraught past and move on with life. You grow as your partner grows, from strength to strength and with each passing day the trust bond becomes stronger and stronger.
2. The ability to listen. You need learn how to ‘Listen’. You can tune your energies to listen to the voice of your emotions. One of the best ways to tune yourself to your emotional needs is to practice meditation. You should also practice breathing exercises. Another good way to enhance your ability to listen is to write a journal. Pen down your thoughts for the day. Bare yourself completely and write in all honestly about what made you sad and why and what made you happy and why. Once you have gained more clarity about the emotions you are experiencing, you shall discover that the control helps you communicate better with your partner. Make an agreement with your partner to actually listen to each other, even if you do not agree to each other’s point of view.
3. The art of accepting, acknowledging and appreciating. It’s important to communicate with each other as much as possible. Love and communication are very crucial to the health of your relationship. Accepting means just being human and not attempting to be perfect, always. Don’t try to change your partner. Love doesn’t grow where there is fear. So do not try to control your lover. And don’t forget to appreciate and acknowledge your partner’s deeds, big or small.
4. Your emotional bank balance. Love relationships are like bank accounts. The more your deposit the better your life will be. So build up on your savings of trust and honesty and watch your relationship gain in love and kindness and acceptance. However, when you treat your partner with disrespect or dishonesty then you are withdrawing from your savings of love and mutual respect.
Therefore it’s wise to say that relationships do not sustain themselves without nurturing and care. There are good times and bad in each relationship. So let these times be the true testing times and with each successful transition from problems to happiness, you shall strengthen the bond between each other.
Resolving Conflicts in Relationships
Differences in relationships are inevitable. The coming together of two people with different needs, values, personality, and experiences in their lives, provide enough opportunity to cause clashes. Conflicts are necessary and important for the growth of any relationship.
One of the most common emotions which come to the forefront during an argument or conflict is anger. It is necessary to know the ways to resolve differences in opinion and control anger in an appropriate manner. Let’s discuss some ways to resolve the conflicts and manage the anger to create a more positive and healthy environment. Sorting out difference is the basis for being able to build a trustworthy love relationship.
Anger Management – We all realize that anger management is pivotal for the good health of our relationships. A progressive and growth oriented relationship is one when you realize that by being angry with each other, you shall not be able to obtain a productive outcome. Due to our defensive attitude, we tend to stop listening to what our partner. Our emotions run high and provoke us to get angry. We are responsible for our anger and our feelings during fights. It’s not your partner who makes you angry, but you choose to get angry as a direct reaction to the contributing factors. The best way to manage anger and resolve differences is to work towards the common goal of creating a conjugally happy atmosphere, one where you and your lover can interact in a positive manner while keeping your fragile emotions away from tearing the relationship apart.
Time Out during arguments – Ever tired Time Out? It’s an effective way to regain your composure while trying to defuse a potentially volatile situation. However, the success of this method is dependent on effective contribution from both the people involved, you and your partner.
The method is simple. In situations where you feel you are going to lose control over your anger and become disruptive, you need to ask your partner for time out. However, before you leave, you should schedule a time to meet again in an attempt to address the issues at hand. Being reactive and overly sensitive in a relationship can destroy it. Therefore, when you delay your response to the issue at hand to later, when you are more in control and regrouped, you are consciously increasing the chances of being able to communicate and listen better!
Open Communication – In order to successful diffuse conflicting situations, you need to learn how to communicate, openly without bias. Do not pull up your defenses and thereby prevent any attempts of communication from your partner. Only when you listen to your partner, shall you be able to understand that person’s point of view. So work towards expressing your needs and feelings and allow other people the same opportunity. Do not shut your feelings as this shall make you resentful and cause friction in your relationship. Being open to communication at all times is vital for the health of any relationship, especially a romantic relationship.
Hurt, resentment surface when we get angry. Conflict is a natural precursor to the growth and health of a good relationship. However, it needs to be handled carefully in order to protect the sanctity and trust of your relationship. Work towards avoiding an instant reaction. Pause. Think before you act and always focus during the argument. Anger is a result of an unmet need, or a perceived threat besides other things. Find the root causes, try not to blame anyone, and try to work together as team to create a win-win situation so that you can accomplish your relationship goals with minimal difference!
Are You Ready For A Relationship?
Most of us have been through at least one bad relationship. A love story gone sour. Nevertheless, how many of us are willing to move on and actively seek a partner? We pretend to enjoy our single status, because we fear getting hurt again? It’s a well-known fact that we do not enjoy loneliness, yet we justifying our being single with the lame excuse of not being ready for a relationship, yet.
Let me ask you, when will you be ready for a love relationship?
Whenever we say that we are not ready for a relationship, what we mean is that we are not inclined to go through the trauma or the heartache of our past relationships. It’s also true that many of us don’t realize that we mean this. Our decisions are often a product of our past experiences. Moreover, we subconsciously reject all prospective relationships which may spell ‘Danger’ to us. Who would intentionally want to invite heartburn and drama, which usually accompanies over 50% relationships? Can we be ever ready for pain? No, never!
The above scenario may seem bleak. Yet, it’s vital for our overall well being to love someone and work towards making the relationship with that person, work. Being single for sometime, you may have led yourself to believe that you are not ready for a relationship. However remind yourself that without the right measures and the right perspective and a strong intent, you may never be ready.
This brings me to the question, how will you know if you are ready? More importantly, is there a personality type that you need to have or acquire in order to be ready to face true love with complete confidence? Well, after much deliberation, I have complied four very important areas which you need assess in order to be more accepting of a love relationship.
1. Sitting down and working at identifying your relationship patterns and figuring out the real reasons for collapse.
If you think that you could have handled some things better, then you should make sure that you work on those areas. If you are confused, then they are in urgent need of your serious attention. Some of such issues could be emotional, sexual abuse or loss of a parent or perhaps a dysfunctional love relationship.
2. Assessing your self-esteem and self-awareness. Introspect to understand your level of self-confidence.
Ask yourself these questions - Are I an optimistic person? Do I have the essential qualities to resolve the toughest of problems? Do I know my weaknesses and strengths? What are the values I need in my partner and my relationship? If the answers for these questions are negative, then you may have a problem accepting yourself the way you are. Therefore you shall need to work on these areas. Remember, being able to love yourself is the first and most important step towards loving others.
3. Learning to find out if you are really past all your previous relationships and your past is your past.
We all need to get complete closure on all our painful and traumatic experiences/relationships. It’s paramount to our well-being. Without closure we are always susceptible to being biased about all our present and future relationships. We’ll give up easily, and without much of effort.
4. Knowing what you want from your relationship and your partner. Knowing the right reasons and having the right expectations for a long-lasting relationship.
We all participate in relationships with different expectations and for many different reasons. Find out what you expect from your partner and the relationship. This shall guide you to being happy in a love relationship.
Carefully examine all your feelings and wants for a future partner and a future relationship.
Just before you move from being single to being a couple, remember these four important areas and in doing so help to ensure that your new love relationship will be a ‘forever’ affair! Online dating websites can also help improve your social and love life. Tom Chapman, CEO of the single website www.TheSinglesNetwork.com, suggests that online dating is a great way to find your life partner, once you have made the decision to actively seek a love relationship!
